I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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