Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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