You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
