someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
