I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
