i need an iv and a liver transplant
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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