Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
