I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
