I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
