**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
