Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
