i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
