Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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