I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
