I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
