You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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