Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
