but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
