Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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