He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
