i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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