Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
