R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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