I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
