I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
