I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
