I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
