I need to stop coming to work sober
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
