The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
