She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
