I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
