worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my being single is dangerous.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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