Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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