I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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