Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
