she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
