I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
