Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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