I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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