Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
