That's when you crack a 10am beer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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