I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
