Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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