Your face is a jimmy john
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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