Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
