can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
