whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
