Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
