well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
