How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
