We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
