We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
