I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
