I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I did not marry a roomba.
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