Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
