Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
