Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
