Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
