I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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